This guide will help you realize the basic concept of effective communication. If you consider yourself a master, you will be way ahead of this and can move on. However if you haven’t read hundreds of books or guides on this topic yet, this will help you achieve tremendous results in minutes. The purpose is to get your message across, with as little misunderstanding as possible. Have fun!

“Remember. You cannot change people… But people can change themselves. That is why our responsibility as leaders is to show people how to change themselves.” - Jim Rohn

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#1. Humans are primarily interested in themselves, not in you.

This is why people who talk mainly of themselves make very bad communicators. If you wish to tell someone something, remove these words from your vocabulary: “I, my, me“. Replace these with the most powerful word in the English language: “You“. This word will get anyone’s attention, because everyone is their own most important person in the world. It also reflects respect and confidence on your part not just talking about yourself. In fact, talking about yourself makes you look weak and insecure in most cases when you haven’t been asked to do so.

#2. Make people feel important, because they are.

To make people feel important, you should listen to them. You give them compliments when they’ve deserved it. Always compliment the behavior you liked, not the person. You use their name and their words as often as possible. Since every word is a personal symbol, listen closely to what they say and use their symbols to explain things to them with their words. Also, to show extra respect you can insert a brief pause after they’ve said something. This to contemplate what they’ve actually said. If someone is waiting to talk to you, or meet you, make sure you let them know that you know they are waiting for you. If you are on the phone, show them that you’ve noticed them. Also, in a group, listen to everyone, not just the leader.

 #3. Converse with people in a respectful manner

Anyone can argue and be a bitch. However it takes a wise, sharp witted, confident person to acknowledge with someone - Especially when that person is wrong.

A.  Learn to be sympathetic to the other person, acknowledge what they say. Put yourself in a sympathetic state. Develop a sympathetic personality. Make it your habit never to argue.

B. Tell people when you agree with them.  Nod your head and say “Yes”, when you do. Tell them “I agree with you”, or “You’re right”.

C. Never ever tell people that you don’t agree with them unless it’s fataly necessary. If you can’t agree with someone, and this happens all the time, don’t start arguing, period. You will be surprised on how seldom you get into arguments if you follow this rule.

D. Admit it when you’re wrong. Whenever you make a mistake, clearly state: “I was wrong”, “My bad”, “My mistake” et cetera. It takes a certain level of confidence and maturity to confess this. The average person lies, comes up with excuses, or blames something. Not you.

E. Never argue. No one wins an argument or friends by arguing. Period. Don’t argue even when you’re right.

F.  Treat trolls and fighters in a good manner. They want one thing - a fight. The best way to handle them is to refuse fighting with them. They will spit and hiss in your face, and then look like fools.

So why be sympathetic? People like you when you agree with them. People hate it when you disagree with them. People hate it when people oppose what they are saying.

Here’s what’s really powerful: Words LOADED with emotion. Use them with the utmost care. The word is a pin, and pins can hurt you. But the emotion is like an iron bar. And if you attach that iron bar to a pin… You see, you can drive that pin through someones heart. Don’t use a cannon to kill a rabbit.

#4. Listen to people in a good way

A. Look at the person you are listening to.

B. Lean towards the person you’re speaking to and listen intensely.

C. Ask questions.

D. Stay with the persons topic, and don’t interrupt it.

#5.  Convince people in a good way

People will be skeptic of everything you say. Therefore bring good sources into every discussion. Don’t take offense if your sources are refuted, even though you know they are right. Never argue or defend something you didn’t create. Also you can use sources to avoid being confronted, not having to answer questions you don’t know the answer to. Also, don’t question other peoples sources directly. Instead ask them where they found their sources and let them tell you. Remember that sometimes, a person can’t be convinced, and this is not your fault. You can’t get them all, but you can damage control what they think of you.

#6. Criticize people in a good way

This is major.

A. Only criticize people in private. Never raise your voice, no open doors, no listeners. Humiliating someone in front of a crowd will create custard thick resentment towards you, and may also trigger an argument.

B. Create a friendly atmosphere before you criticize someone. Give friendly words before you ask for someone to change.

C. Attack the the persons action, but never the person him/herself. Period.

D. If you tell someone they’re wrong, you must give them a solution or tell them what you want them to do instead. If you can’t do this, don’t criticize them in the first place.

E. Ask for cooperation, don’t demand it. You always get better results when asking people for something, in contrast with demand that creates a negative atmosphere.

F. Only criticize once. Even the most justified criticism is motivated once.

G. End your criticism in a friendly way. “We are friends, we’ve solved our problems, let’s work together and help each other.” Never leave with a “You’ve been told what you needed to be told, now get to work!”.

#7.  Give a good impression of yourself

A. Be sincere. Sincerity is not a test of truth, but at least people know that you are sincere and this makes them feel respected.

B.  Show enthusiasm. A priceless asset you can give yourself just by convincing yourself that you agree with what someone is saying

C. Don’t be to urgent. Being urgent arouses suspicion in people. They tend to back off if you are too on, to put it bluntly.

D. Never build yourself up by condescending someone else. Always ride on your own merits. True success in life comes from your own efforts.

E. Don’t talk bad about anyone or anything. Instead always focus on what you like and what you want in any discussion.

F. Brevity. If you want to say something. Don’t dwell on it too long. Your message looses it’s focus if you linger on one topic too much.

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A clue to really affecting people is “Start with where they are”, before you try to take them to where you want them to go. If somebody is hurting, you’ve got to meet in the hurt. If somebody in trouble, start with the trouble. Learn to identify with people and you’ll have an amazing change to affect them. Sometimes, all it takes is a simple “Me too. I’ve experienced that!”. Avoid to respond with a “So what?”.

“Learn to express, no to impress. Impress builds a gulf. Express builds a bridge.”

Talk about your struggle, not your success. If you spend most of your time on talking about your success you build a gulf. You must talk about your struggle, so that when you show your success, your success will have a meaning. Something someone can identify with. Identification is major to communication. So here’s the real challenge.

To identify with someone who is not like you.

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